The Unspoken Truth About My Marriage I Want My Daughter To Know Before Her Wedding

Heart-touching letter to a daughter by a mother on her wedding to share important marriage lessons that mother learned from her own marriage.

Like many other mothers, my heart lies in my daughter. Her smile is what makes my day brighter every day. But as she will soon be getting married, I would like to let her know certain things that I learned through my own marriage.

Dear Daughter,

As you would soon be entering into a new phase of your life, as a mother, I would like to share certain things that I wish I could have known earlier. When I was getting married, your grandma hardly told me what to expect from the marriage.

I was just told to be a good wife and to be a good daughter-in-law. I was told to protect the honor of the family name, whatever may come. But, with every passing day, I learned marriage was so much more than just being a good wife or a good daughter-in-law or maintaining the family honor. So, here I am sharing what I have learned in my marriage and what I wish my parents would have told me.

# Marriage isn’t easy; You don’t skate through it

No one tells you how difficult marriage is. It’s not a cakewalk. You don’t skate through it. But, if you and your partner work on it, you can still walk through it in really nice shoes. So during tough days, remember it is just a day and it will pass by. It happens with every couple. Marriage is a collection of tough days sprinkled with good days. But those good days will make you remember why you want to stay in this marriage for a lifetime and will give you the strength to walk through the rough patch.   

# Mothers-in-law are difficult but not always bad

Contrary to the popular belief – all mothers-in-law are not bad. So, don’t jump to conclusions. Remember motherhood isn’t easy. As a mother, the way it is difficult for me to send you off and part with you, similarly it won’t be easy for another mother to share her son, either.

The way I want your husband to take care of you as I and your papa did, even his mother would expect you to take care of her son as she did. I don’t want you to fulfill all the expectations. I just want you to be sensitive to her feelings and be empathetic.

But, don’t let people assume your kindness as your weakness. Don’t let them assume that marriage gives them a license to insult you. Stand for yourself, voice your opinions because marriage doesn’t mean you have to kill your voice.

# Best life partners treat each other as equal

If your partner fails to treat you as equal, then demand it. Don’t fool yourself by accepting to be treated as any less than your partner. I spent almost 15 years of my life realizing that no love is love without respect and equality. In a relationship, if you are not treated equally, then remember it’s not a partnership, it’s a relationship of convenience. And, the relationship of convenience means that one partner will be expected to endlessly sacrifice, compromise, and adjust for the other. Which isn’t love, but manipulation!

# Don’t forget who you are

Love is a beautiful feeling but no relationship is as important as your relationship with yourself. So, be in love but not at the cost of your happiness, your dreams, or your self-respect. Marriage adds a new dimension to women but like many others don’t let marriage forget who you are. Support others as much as you can but not at the expense of your own self. Remember marriage doesn’t mean your dreams are expired.

# Don’t stay if it isn’t good

If you feel that marriage isn’t treating you right, then you don’t have to stick around for the sake of society or your parents. As your parents we only want you to be happy. And, remember, for any parent, a divorced daughter is better than a dead daughter. So, please don’t even think of sacrificing yourself for us!

# Come what may, Mamma & Papa will always be there for you

Remember, we were and we are your parents. After marriage, your grandparents never stayed in touch. They always gave me the feeling like I was an outsider to them. Though they were raised in times when daughters were seen as Paraya Dhan! But you should remember that you will always be my baby and your momma is always there for you. Nothing in this whole wide world is more important to us than you. So, don’t hesitate to call when things get tough. Even if you don’t want us to do anything, we can comfort you and reduce your stress!  

Dear Daughter,

Like no two people are the same, no two marriages are the same! So, I hope you will discover new things about your marriage every day, you will never say no to adventure new things in your marriage. While you do so, don’t forget that marriage is an important part of your life; but not your whole life.

Lovingly,

Mother!