“Beware of what you have seen or heard about marriages, soul mates and love! There is no Raj for Simran, there is no Rahul for Anjali! Love doesn’t remain the same after marriage! It is better you reduce your expectations from marriage and accepts what come your way!”, my elder sister tells me as I told her about how Sumit’s parents were ready for the wedding!
I was extremely happy that day. More than being happy about marrying Sumit, I was more relieved that I wasn’t getting married through an arranged marriage setup. After looking how her husband and in-laws treat my sister, the one thing I was sure about was that I would marry someone I love! I would marry someone who will stand by me for my dreams; who will keep me with as much love and care as my parents did! But, my sister was very clear that it doesn’t matter if it’s arranged or love, the success of a marriage depends on how supportive husband-wife are of each other! (Also Read: Love Marriage vs. Arranged Marriage: Marry for Love or Love to Marry)
I was sure Sumit – the most supportive boyfriend ever – would become the best husband too! So, without thinking twice, I got married. But, hardly, I knew all my expectations and dreams about my marriage would fall flat. Hardly, I knew I was going to be proven wrong and my sister to be proven right!
My marriage didn’t treat me the way I expected it to. My loving boyfriend turned into a caring son and careless husband! The man who used to pick up fights with his best friends because they said a word against me, now stood quietly when his parents disrespected me or my parents! (Also Read: ‘Romantic Idea Of Marriage Is Only For Movies’: Sudha Murthy’s Best Advice For Married Couples)
Whenever I asked him or reminded him how caring he was before marriage, he would say “Things do change after marriage. I have to become more responsible towards my family! You should understand that they have done so much for me. They agreed to get me married to you! They have paid for my education! And, now if they even say some thing against you or your parents, I can’t fight with them for you! Take a stand for yourself! After all you are a strong and independent woman!”
Even though Sumit recommended me to take a stand for myself but when I did, he was the first one to react; the first one not to like that I stood for myself. “Reena, you can’t talk to my parents like that. You may be treated like a princess in your parents’ place. But, you need to understand that this is my house. And, you can’t talk to my parents like you own this place! If you have a problem with what they say, tell me and I would resolve it with them! But you can’t answer them back!” (Also Read: I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife)
It has been 3 years of our marriage. Things have changed so much. I have accepted that I would hardly get any respect in this house. I have accepted that Sumit is a son first and husband later. And, I have accepted that my happiness lies in my own hands. Hence, I have stopped expecting it from people! (Also Read: Indian Marriage Isn’t About Happiness, It Is About How Much Women Are Ready To Give Up)
But, here’s what I want to tell the future brides: Dear Women, It doesn’t matter whether you have arranged marriage or love marriage, the life after it would depend on how much your husband support you! Your happiness and dignity in the house will depend on how much your husband would be ready to fight for it! And, though there are some men who have the courage to treat their wives as equal, they are very few. (Also Read: Saif Ali Khan Best Relationship Advice For Couples: Treat It Like You Got Two Heroes In The House)
Many strong, independent and educated women are struggling in marriage. They are trying hard to adjust to make their marriages work. They are coming to terms with the ugly reality that marriage is a trap where you make a journey from being a priceless daughter to a valueless wife and daughter-in-law! (Also Watch: IPS Shobha Bhutada’s Powerful Speech On Educated Women Suffering In Toxic Marriages Is A Must-Watch)