It is very difficult to be an Indian daughter-in-law. And the ones, who deny it are either not daughter-in-law or belong to a small fraction of women, who are blessed with supportive in-law and husband.
It is heart-breaking how our society refuses to acknowledge what our Daughters-in-law do for their husbands, parents-in-law, and kids. While they try their level best to create a loving family, they hardly get the respect that they deserve. From being seen as an outsider to the one who breaks the family, our daughters-in-law deserve to be treated better.
No one could deny how a daughter-in-law leaves her familiar things, people, and way of living to step into a new life pattern without any complaints.
She makes this difficult transformation in one hope – that she will have two families but what she gets is the battlefield where she has to fight for her dignity and respect every day.
While she keeps making endless sacrifices and compromises for others’ happiness, no one cares about hers.
While she is expected to accept the new family as her own, no one really accepts her as a part of the family!
While she is expected to be there for everyone, no one is there for her when she needs them!
While we keep telling her -“bahu kabhi beti nahi ho sakti”(daughter-in-law can never be a daughter), we hardly make an effort to become her parents.
While she keeps sacrificing for others’ dreams and desires, no one supports hers! Rather we keep telling her to make sacrifices because that’s what is expected of her!
While she makes endless adjustments, we still shamelessly find her flaws; Rather than applauding her for the changes that she has adopted, the adjustments that she has made, we tend to focus on things that she hasn’t done; the things that she refused to do! But, why?
In midst of her huge sacrifices and compromises, why do we keep pointing out her small mistakes? Rather than applauding her for the adjustments she did, why we tend to point out small things that she missed? Why rather than appreciating her efforts, we call out her mistakes?
Don’t we ignore our own children’s small mistakes? Then why can’t we ignore hers? Why her every mistake needs to be pointed out; why her every effort needs to be scrutinized; why her every word and action needs to be judged?
Why we keep telling her “Aaj khaane mein namak zyada hai” or “Yeh kapade kyun pehne hai” or “Aisa kyun kaha” or “Aisa kyun kara”?
It is sad how some of us may applaud our maids or cooks or drivers more often than our daughters-in-law!
Why do we find it easier to appreciate our domestic help but not our daughter-in-law? Our unrealistic expectations set our daughters-in-law for failure. Anything less than perfect is treated as a failure. We tend to forget how our daughters-in-law are human too, who may make mistakes, who may fail. And in those testing times, why we don’t encourage them the way we encourage our own kids when they fail or when they make a mistake!
While we keep complaining about how our daughters-in-law are not sanskaari enough; not loving enough; not responsible enough; not beautiful enough, not slim enough; it makes me wonder how could be blinded to how much they have done for our families.
I wonder how our lives will change if we have a bit of appreciation for our daughters-in-law. If we tell them how grateful we are to have them in our lives; how blessed we are to be part of her family; how proud we are for how she is managing her personal and professional life; how thankful we are for all the adjustments she is making for us.
A little thank you once in a while can go a long way in creating a healthy relationship. Doesn’t matter whether you are a husband or an in-law – if you don’t think your wife or a daughter-in-law deserves praise or applause, then maybe you don’t deserve them!
