Hey, work friends! Need a little humor to survive the workday? We’ve pulled out some funny workplace quotes that’ll definitely put a smile on your face and maybe even help you survive those never-ending meetings. Whether it’s laughing at office habits, or getting through crazy deadlines, or just staying awake after lunch, these quotes show the funnier side of work life. So, take a break, share a laugh, and remember: that work doesn’t have to be so serious. Let’s add some fun to the office, one quote at a time!
Funny Workplace Quotes to Brighten Any Dull Day
“I used up all my sick leave, so I called in dead.”
“I always give 100% at work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”
“Sometimes, I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.”
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?” Edgar Bergen
“How to avoid stress at work: 1. Don’t go to work.”
“So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out.”
“WORK TIP: Stand up. Stretch a little. Take a nice walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.”
“Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.”
“Instead of putting my winter clothes in storage for the summer, I bring them to my freezing cold office.”
“I’ll just lower the quality of my work until my pay feels fair.”
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” Claude McDonald
“Why can’t jealous co-workers just admit that they are secretly obsessed with admiring you?”
“Last day of work! Farewell coworkers, I know it has been a pleasure working with me.”
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” Oscar Wilde
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.”
“I’m a delight… but only after my coffee.”
“Why do they call it ‘quick’ when it’s an hour-long meeting?”
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” Bill Gates
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z, where X is work, Y is play, Z is keep your mouth shut.” Albert Einstein
“Everyone here brings happiness… some by coming in… others by leaving!
“You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage work ethic.” Zig Ziglar
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he were any smarter. — John Gotti
“The reward for good work is more work.” Tom Sachs
“Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or high school. Oh wait, I’m at work.”
“I don’t think of you as a coworker, because you never do any work.”
“I’ve been working 24/7, all day today.”
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” Robert Frost
“Sorry you have to work on the holiday honoring your work.”
“My resume is just a list of things I never want to do again.”
“Let’s treat the hardworking employees like crap and give the lazy ones a blue ribbon just for showing up.”
“Rest assured that your recent accomplishments at work have gone largely unnoticed.”
“I can’t believe I work this hard to be this poor.”
“I like this job only marginally more than I like being homeless.”
“Here’s to another year pretending that I like you people.”
“You’re my favorite person in the office because you make me feel comparatively productive.”
“I’m confused. Do you want to speak to my manager or to someone who knows what’s going on?”
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.” – George Carlin
“My keyboard must be broken. I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”
“The mountain of paperwork on my desk makes me envy the trees that died to produce it.”
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush; leave work at noon.”
“Pride, commitment, and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”
“You don’t have to be crazy to work here; we’ll train you!”
“No man goes before his time, unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights: they hang together, half of them don’t work, and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.” – Anonymous
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” Douglas Adams
“I work so I can afford the amount of alcohol required to continue going to work.”
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